i'm sorry i only think to update my blog when i should be studying.

that is what i am
a sorry study sister.

currently spending more time going through the wonderful blogs of people i enjoy, who may or may not know me, than on the oceanography nonsense in my notebook. and i just hid a giant bag of pretzels from myself. too bad i know exactly where they are.

so this semester has been one of learning to think differently. to think differently about the things i have thought i was thinking rightly about for so long. i realize that is confusing. oh thoughts. i am thankful for wiser women than i. i am also thankful for God's patience with me...and his lavish grace.

currently reading: The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges

as of lately

i eat 75% of meals out of the microwave.

90% come with coffee to go.

i listen to one song on repeat. for a while.

drinking deeply of life. enjoying the journey.

i am a pilgrim.

procrastination station

well....that's me. Sitting here studying for a test I have in a few hours and remembering my lonely blog. Sorry blog.

I've been contemplating change lately. and have been fascinated.

By Definition:

--To make the form. nature, content, future course, etc., of something different from what it is or what it would be if left alone

Thank goodness we aren't left alone. and that we are changed. my hope today rests in the fact that God is changing me and that i'll be different tomorrow because i have not been left alone.

so roll

change roll

i welcome you today.

i'm back....this time with guitar picks and chalk bags

Pride has long kept me from doing things I am not good at it. What a silly self absorption that presents the illusion of protecting me from failure. I have recently picked up two hobbies that are humbling me to say the least.

Guitar and Rock Climbing.

Patience=necessary for these two. My callused hands and crushed pride are begging for a new avocation. However, the spirit within me is easing at the fruit that comes when success is lacking. It's exhausting and invigorating.

Everyone should do something that reminds them they're not that awesome. It's nice and it points to the truth.

words

words are powerful. they have the power to affect change, to reconcile a relationship, to offend an identity.

they carry weight. and i, personally, walk in ignorance of that most days.

why is it that i am so careless with my words yet i am so aware of every word spoken to me. i am often shocked of how capable i am of speaking hateful words. redeemed...but still a mess. still in need of more and more grace everyday.

grace abounds.

showing mercy, assuming the best in people.

i asked one of my favorite people in the world how they were doing yesterday...she answered..."better than I deserve"

amen to that. thank you Jesus for grace. and today.

purpose

It's there...your purpose. It's in everything. 

lately, i have been so caught up in me. in my goals, my desires, my kingdom. when things get crazy...i lose my purpose. i become goal-driven and me-driven really. everywhere i go...that's what they tell me it's about. performance. 

it's vain. and empty. and i have to know my purpose. because if its about me...then its not worth it. 

there is a God...who made me. and knows me. and I belong to Him...created for His glory. 

and i am reminded of that when i sit...and i let my thoughts focus on who He is. and I know that my anxious spirit can rest in Him. 

there are people all around me...right now. i am sitting in a building full of souls...full of different stories. but our hearts are all beating....and all creating kingdoms. individual, vain kingdoms that will fade away. 

we could be single minded, whole hearted, with God's kingdom as our goal and our prize. i choose that. that purpose. it's a choice...to deny the kingdom that i have built for myself...and chase after His, knowing my purpose. 

wear it out.

am i the only one that plays favorites with my wardrobe? You know the few articles of clothing that you have that you wear over and over and hope people don't notice. when the sole purpose of you doing your laundry is to clean that sweater that hangs comfortably and looks artsy and cool. i think that part of the reason i function this way is because i may or may not have an addictive personality that gets "obsessed" with things, but thats another post for another day. for me...this item that i am always trying to match with whatever outfit i have picked out for the day is a grey v-neck. how original...i know. you don't know this v-neck like i do. 

this v-neck fits in all the right places and matches everything! it's faded down the sides from all the washes and dries. it's worn..ya know, with all the fuzzies that look tacky to the untrained eye but to me they offer comfort. I enjoy this v-neck tshirt. i love it because it started out white and in a package in the hands of my friend in Oklahoma. She died it herself and it somehow ended up with me where it got worn to the point of unrecognizable from drier lent. But, I love it.

transformation.

there is joy in transformation. we are just along for the ride, allowing God to transform us and bring us so far from where we started. He delights in us, He joy's in our transformation. and He's not finished.