procrastination station

well....that's me. Sitting here studying for a test I have in a few hours and remembering my lonely blog. Sorry blog.

I've been contemplating change lately. and have been fascinated.

By Definition:

--To make the form. nature, content, future course, etc., of something different from what it is or what it would be if left alone

Thank goodness we aren't left alone. and that we are changed. my hope today rests in the fact that God is changing me and that i'll be different tomorrow because i have not been left alone.

so roll

change roll

i welcome you today.

i'm back....this time with guitar picks and chalk bags

Pride has long kept me from doing things I am not good at it. What a silly self absorption that presents the illusion of protecting me from failure. I have recently picked up two hobbies that are humbling me to say the least.

Guitar and Rock Climbing.

Patience=necessary for these two. My callused hands and crushed pride are begging for a new avocation. However, the spirit within me is easing at the fruit that comes when success is lacking. It's exhausting and invigorating.

Everyone should do something that reminds them they're not that awesome. It's nice and it points to the truth.

words

words are powerful. they have the power to affect change, to reconcile a relationship, to offend an identity.

they carry weight. and i, personally, walk in ignorance of that most days.

why is it that i am so careless with my words yet i am so aware of every word spoken to me. i am often shocked of how capable i am of speaking hateful words. redeemed...but still a mess. still in need of more and more grace everyday.

grace abounds.

showing mercy, assuming the best in people.

i asked one of my favorite people in the world how they were doing yesterday...she answered..."better than I deserve"

amen to that. thank you Jesus for grace. and today.

purpose

It's there...your purpose. It's in everything. 

lately, i have been so caught up in me. in my goals, my desires, my kingdom. when things get crazy...i lose my purpose. i become goal-driven and me-driven really. everywhere i go...that's what they tell me it's about. performance. 

it's vain. and empty. and i have to know my purpose. because if its about me...then its not worth it. 

there is a God...who made me. and knows me. and I belong to Him...created for His glory. 

and i am reminded of that when i sit...and i let my thoughts focus on who He is. and I know that my anxious spirit can rest in Him. 

there are people all around me...right now. i am sitting in a building full of souls...full of different stories. but our hearts are all beating....and all creating kingdoms. individual, vain kingdoms that will fade away. 

we could be single minded, whole hearted, with God's kingdom as our goal and our prize. i choose that. that purpose. it's a choice...to deny the kingdom that i have built for myself...and chase after His, knowing my purpose. 

wear it out.

am i the only one that plays favorites with my wardrobe? You know the few articles of clothing that you have that you wear over and over and hope people don't notice. when the sole purpose of you doing your laundry is to clean that sweater that hangs comfortably and looks artsy and cool. i think that part of the reason i function this way is because i may or may not have an addictive personality that gets "obsessed" with things, but thats another post for another day. for me...this item that i am always trying to match with whatever outfit i have picked out for the day is a grey v-neck. how original...i know. you don't know this v-neck like i do. 

this v-neck fits in all the right places and matches everything! it's faded down the sides from all the washes and dries. it's worn..ya know, with all the fuzzies that look tacky to the untrained eye but to me they offer comfort. I enjoy this v-neck tshirt. i love it because it started out white and in a package in the hands of my friend in Oklahoma. She died it herself and it somehow ended up with me where it got worn to the point of unrecognizable from drier lent. But, I love it.

transformation.

there is joy in transformation. we are just along for the ride, allowing God to transform us and bring us so far from where we started. He delights in us, He joy's in our transformation. and He's not finished. 

sharpened

"as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another" proverbs 27:17

I would say that I have been sharpened this week. There are people  who live their lives in such a way that it gives testimony to who God is and the importance of the gospel of Christ. There are people who will communicate misunderstandings in order to make our friendship richer. There are people who invite you into their presence and allow you to see who they are. genuine. lovely.

It is easy to search for favor with these people....to attempt to earn their forgiveness when I have wronged them, or to believe that I have to impress with them with humor or wisdom. 

No, these people challenge me to walk confidently in who Christ is...it's never been about me. I am thankful for these people. The ones I live with especially. Because they have given me a more profound understanding of God's grace...and how freely He offers it to us. 

sharing

"Friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives. so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them. Friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is"

-Cold Tangerines

The quote is from a lovely book by Shauna Niequist. I was introduced to Cold Tangerines by a dear friend this summer and I love the stories about life and love and failure and redemption that fill its pages. The purpose of the book is to celebrate the extraordinary nature of everyday life. 

To me, life is about long talks on the living room floor, pot luck meals, tears, and shouts of joy. It's about laughter and and going deep with people and letting them see that you're not perfect. 

It's doing life together. 

It's walking alongside one another...extending grace to those around you and speaking truth into their lives. 

life is to be shared. make others aware of God....and who He is....and how He loves. 

stop.

I love those moments when you want to laugh out loud and freeze time and shout from the rooftops that it's good. 

Moments when you stop and see things for how they are. When you not only understand your current position in the world, but your purpose. Currently...I am a college student. That's where I am for the next two years. I have two more falls and two more springs in this town. At times, I am sick of it all...the structure....viewing the daily as mundane. Asking God...why can't I go now...I'm ready. Then,  I see it. I see a sun ray shining through the tree's or dimple in a child's cheek. I hear a story of redemption and hearts reconciled. I get it. It's good.

I have been given this day. And this day is a part of my next two years in this stage of life. And this day is unique. There is adventure and beauty in this day. There are new faces and new stories in this day. 

There is courage and forgiveness and hope.  

It may look like other days...but it's not....it's today. and it's a gift. 

a writer is someone who writes even when it's bad

You've been warned. 

I have wanted to start a blog for a long time...But, the fear of being unoriginal and cliche always stopped me. Every once in a while I have the idea that I could do it...that I could write. Sometimes while folding laundry or stuffing things away in my closet...it all becomes a dance. I think...I should share this. I should write. But, then my creative thoughts get trampled on by doubt, insecurity, fear. There's no room for those things in writing. May the doubts never get in the way of the genuine. 

So. Here I am. 

"Be careful not to turn others' lives into the mold for our own. Allow God to be as creative with you as He is with each of us" -Crazy Love